The Downsides To Fame

“Is it worse to be in a bad place with people you like, or in a beautiful place all alone?” - Anthony Bourdain

Anthony Bourdain lived a life most people dream of. He was paid handsomely to jet around the world visit exotic locations, eat delicious cuisine, and interact with foreign cultures. From an external perspective, the man had it made. But if you went deeper you’d realize his life was closer to hell than it was to paradise.

So what parts of Tony’s life made it so miserable and why were they so hard to perceive from the outside? How could a life that was envied by so many be mired with complete misery? What were the downsides to Bourdain’s fame?

Fame Is Isolating

In the early days of Bourdain’s TV production career, he and his crew spent days on end cramped up in small vehicles, hostels, and restaurants. Tony and the crew were forced to operate in uncomfortable spaces because the production budgets were tight.

The TV show concept of a renegade cook traveling the world, commenting on food and culture was unproven and television executives weren’t willing to bet much money on the rag-tag team of vagabonds looking to make a show. 

But with these tight quarters came a shared comradery and rapport. Tony wasn’t the lead man, he was a part of the crew. They were a swashbuckling group willing to “try anything and risk everything” just as the show A Cook’s Tour’s tagline suggested.

But as Tony’s shows grew in popularity, the budgets expanded as well. Bourdain was no longer required to sleep in vans with the crew. He could now have the finest hospitality his destinations had to offer. This shift in practice marked the shift of Tony from one of the crew to his new pedestal as the “talent”. He was the star of the show and treated as such. 

Every one of his interactions with team members was underpinned by the fact that he was Anthony Bourdain. His time was valuable, he was not to be trifled with, and his word was the final word. This placement of Tony on a pedestal made it nearly impossible for him to form normal relationships, leaving him quite lonely.

Tony didn’t keep this struggle a secret. Mark Ruffino, a composer for the shows, said “There was a brutal moment, in the last year or so, when Tony just outright said, ‘I have no friends.’ And it just killed me. I know what he meant, that he just didn’t have the opportunity for normal relationships.”

What You Are Known For Is A Burden You Need To Live Up To

People viewed Tony as the most interesting man in the world. 

The trick to his show’s intrigue wasn’t simply the locale, it was the color Tony brought to the locale with his offhanded commentary sprinkled with profanity and pop culture references. 

In the years following Tony’s death, people tried to replicate the magic of his shows by filming someone traveling around the world but it didn’t work because they didn’t have the same flare. His knowledge of music, movies, and literature was vast which made his commentary captivating. That’s why my favorite episode of his is the Congo episode inspired by Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness.

As the most interesting globe trotter in the world, Bourdain was expected to act like it in every one of his encounters or otherwise risk letting down a hopeful fan. All of his interactions with admirers had to be profound because it may be the only time that person ever got the chance to meet their hero; the only time they would see their heightened image of Tony confirmed or denied. Can you imagine the human toll that would take on a person? 

People didn’t want to see the Anthony Bourdain who was moody, awkward, and off-putting. They wanted to see the Anthony Bourdain who cracked jokes, quipped about his fellow celebrity chefs, and said the things nobody else was willing to say. To live with that burden every waking moment is a burden that outweighs the food and beautiful views I originally envied Bourdain for.

“He always had to perform the role of Tony. So that performance was a form of protection, as well as a kind of punishment. I don’t know that he could be in a room with someone and allow himself to be dull.” said Nigella Lawson his costar on The Taste.

Fame Changes Your Experiences Which Makes It Hard To Relate To People

“You retard socially and emotionally the moment you become famous.” - Matt Damon

There is a scene in the movie about Bourdain called Roadrunner where Tony is interviewing Iranian refugees who fled to Hong Kong. The two refugees completely open up, telling Bourdain about their struggles. Bourdain, in un-Bourdain fashion, interrupts the refugees to fix the set lighting just as the refugees extoll upon their loss of hope in the world.

Bourdain’s great power was his ability to relate to people of all backgrounds. But his ability to relate to the people he encountered began to retard as fame shifted the way he was treated. He rarely spoke in meaningful ways with non-celebrities and was always treated so as not to be offended. This special treatment spoiled his ability to relate which was so tragically captured in the refugee scene.

And how could Bourdain relate to anyone? The life he lived and the problems it introduced had probably never been experienced to his extent before in human history. His life was one of one which made it hard to find people who understood what he was going through.

“You live a certain lifestyle that, to the outside, is everyone’s dream, and you can’t bitch about that, because they’re like, Oh my god what do you mean? Your brand is being adventurous and super cool - you can’t ever let anyone not see that.” - Paula Froelich.

Fame Realizes Your Dreams, Which Destroys Them At The Same Time

Morgan Housel wrote in his excellent piece A Few Laws About Getting Rich about the absolute depression Will Smith experienced once he achieved wealth and fame. When Smith was struggling as a young person he could dream of a day when things would be better, fixed by fame and fortune. But once Smith realized his dreams and was still depressed he completely lost hope. I think Bourdain experienced something similar.

Bourdain was never driven by a desire for fame and fortune but he was driven by a desire to see the world and find “extremes of emotion and experience”. After he had traversed the entire globe, eating food in Tokyo, Sicily, and Lyon, he still experienced the same crippling anxieties and depression. He must have felt a loss of hope and a level of incurability.

Hope and aspirations make life worth living. Once you lose those things, through achievement or defeat, it can doom a person’s happiness.

Building A Large Company Around A Single Person Causes A Lot Of Pressure

There was a time when Tony was thinking about slowing down his life. He had a child with his wife and wanted to make an effort to be there for them.

But the hard thing about building an operation around yourself is that you are a critical cog in the machine. Tens of people relied on Tony for their livelihood. His responsible decision to settle down with his young family spelled chaos for his crew who would have to find new jobs.

Bourdain wasn’t one to let his crew down so he decided to resume his hardcore touring and TV production. While almost everything they produced was a hit that impacted millions of people Bourdain was shackled to his work in a way others aren’t. The decision that was best for his personal life wasn’t the one that was best for his crew and this conflict existed throughout the entirety of his career.

Ironically the Tony Bourdain that had everything he dreamed was, in a way, far more shackled than the Bourdain of his younger years who struggled to pay rent, didn’t have health insurance, and hopped from restaurant to restaurant rarely holding a steady job for long.

Fame Makes You Vulnerable

The most obvious downside to fame is the elimination of privacy.

No longer could Bourdain walk the streets of New York in search of a delicious meal. Any public appearance he made spawned a mob of admirers eager to get a picture and shower him with compliments.

Everything Bourdain did was an object of interest for the paparazzi. So when Bourdain’s girlfriend was spotted with another man the entire world bore witness in gossip magazines. It was embarrassing and shameful. 

That moment was what many credit as the last straw before Tony decided to end his life.

I’ll pose the question one final time: How could a life that was envied by so many be mired in complete misery? I think the answer is that we humans are terrible at knowing what will actually make us happy. 

We think it’s a life that introduces novelty at every corner like the the exotic jet-setting life Tony lived. But there is a certain absence of depth to that life.

When people are on their deathbeds they cherish the things they put years of effort into. They cherish the relationships forged over decades of hardship, the accomplishments earned after decades of work, and the impact they had after an entire life of living. 

Bourdain saw so much but he went deep with so little. He struggled to plant roots.

Jim Carey once said, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer.”

Be careful staking your happiness on fame and success.